I remember my way back to my childhood and all the feelings of helplessness. All I had were my thoughts at the time. I didn’t have control of anything else because I was a little girl. I was all alone with my thoughts to just wonder why my parents did this or did that. Did they choose to be so miserable? Was it their decision, entirely, to be so sad? And if so, why? Why would anyone choose to live this life? And more importantly, if we they could choose, would they choose not to have this life? Was there a better way? Can we choose to have a better life? Is this within our control? At the time all I could do was wonder about all these things. I asked myself a lot of questions I couldn’t answer. As a young 10 year old I was quite observant to the adults around me.
If they could change their thoughts, could they change how angry they got? And if they could change how angry they got, could they change their fighting behavior? And in turn, the mother of all questions, could that in turn have changed my life? See how one thing affects the next and the next until it reached my life. Unfortunately I never got to do any of the life case experiments I wanted to do on my family. I soon realized many adults are usually too far gone in their minds to consider change. They are too set in their ways to care to even try. Maybe they didn’t know it was possible, maybe it would be too difficult for them. You can’t teach old dogs new tricks, they say, so I gave up. I accepted my life as it was, but hoped there would be a better choice for me one day. So, basically there was nothing a young girl could do but hope.
On my first year of college I took my first class in psychology and I was floored. The science of human behavior, are you kidding me? Could this be any more perfect for me? I’ve been a young psychologist since I was a tween so yes this was destined to be my future. I’ve been studying everything about this since then and it never ever gets old for me. If I could go back and talk to my 10 year old self, I would get to answer all her questions she had and then some and bring some peace of mind to her. Unfortunately I can’t do that, so I can only do so with my girls and anyone else out there wanting some advice on what has or hasn’t worked for me. I now truly believe the mind is capable of growth and change at any age, but only if the person wants to change. If your mind is set on not learning new ways of life or you’re too stubborn to think there’s anything wrong with you, then this is never going to work for you. Other people might not think the same way as you do, but whatever floats your boat boo. This is something that grows from within. We have to desire change for ourselves. We must all do some soul searching to find those areas we all need help with. One thing is for sure, we all could use a little change in our lives.
Only you can change you, nobody else can do this.
The brain is a stubborn little rascal. It must be disciplined and trained and toned just like any other muscle. You can’t just let it run wild and free. It must be tamed. The untamed mind will bring you a lot of unnecessary troubles. This is a personal journey of discovery. Only you can change you, nobody else can no matter how hard they try. We are all born with a blueprint of how we’re supposed to think and feel, but it’s life and other people that come and makes edits here and there to our code. We eventually begin to behave in ways that are not natural to our code or our nature. We eventually become reprogramed to act and feel like someone we are not. We eventually feel so out of touch with ourselves because we are no longer us. We now are a result of society telling us how we should be. It’s important to realize this and stop it before it’s too late but most of the time even though we know the clues and the red flags, we choose to ignore them. We much rather go through life choosing to ignore these warnings that something is wrong than do a little work and change them.
Why? Because we have a lazy brain. Lazy as hell and stubborn, oh wow. We analyze one situation and we don’t want to bother analyzing it again. We just go with the shortcut we created the first time. We don’t bother to stop and judge the situation again. If it worked the first time, it should work again. The problem with this is that although it saves us time, we continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. This is how bad habits are formed. We never ever change doing this until we eventually realize we are miserable and unhappy.
This is where self discovery comes in. We must be brutally honest with ourselves. First off we need to realize nobody can make us feel fulfilled and happy but ourselves. It’s nobody’s fault we feel what we feel but our own. I mean, I wouldn’t say fault, more like choice. It’s our choice to feel what we feel. Ouch. I know this hurts. A lot of us go through life blaming others for our sad lives, then here I come to tell you it’s been yours all along. Sorry boo, but it’s true. I know I didn’t like it when I first realized this. This turned my life from feeling like a victim, to realizing it was all my choice from the beginning. Nobody forced me to do or be or feel what I did, but mine.
The moment I decided to own my mistakes was when I truly began to feel free. The invisible shackles I thought I had came off even though they never existed. It’s kind of sad and liberating at the same time that I had imagined this the whole time. Years of feeling like a victim only made me cower and become accepting of my life as it was. If someone else told me this was all I could have, I accepted it. If someone said I didn’t deserve more, then I accepted it. I had become broken and lost my power. When I realized it’s always been my choice to give power to others or not, I then chose the latter. The same question I made for my family of whether they would choose different if they could, had finally come full circle to me. Now that I was an adult, it finally hit me. We are so dang blind sometimes, but happily I had been in the quest to self discovery for some time now, so it was only a matter of time before I answered my own question. Hell yeah, it was my choice to have a better life and it’s always been, and so I did. What came next has transformed my life and my family unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
We are told we can be anything we want in life, but we’re just never told how. The concept is simple, but the actions are a bit more complicated and will take a lot more discipline to accomplish. In it’s simplest form, it goes something like this: Your THOUGHTS change your EMOTIONS which then change your BEHAVIOR which changes your LIFE. In this order. It all starts with our thoughts. If we have more positive thoughts, we will have more positive emotions and so on. If we have more negative thoughts, we will have more negative emotions, behavior and life. It all starts with our thoughts. The good news? We all have the ability to control our thoughts by taming our wild mind and I will be sharing more on this soon.