I used to despise these three little words. I would get furious when I heard someone tell me to do this. I used to think getting over my feelings meant I didn’t deserve to feel what I was feeling, that it was ok to be a victim of something or someone. Getting over something for me meant I had to cast aside my pride and accept an unfair defeat. Why me? Why did I have to be the one to get over it and move on? I was the victim after all and therefore I deserved to feel all the feelings I wanted. I was done wrong and there was nothing that was gonna make me get over it. Nothing. I deserved to feel bad for as long as I wanted. So I stayed miserable.
I suffered so many unnecessary times due to not getting over it. Looking back at my life I just can’t remember when it all happened. You know, when I finally realized this was harming me more than it was helping me. Maybe when my life came crumbling down and I had to finally admit defeat. Nothing will clear your head of all vanities quite like hitting rock bottom. Feeling like a failure and that every one was feeling sorry for me was one of the worst feelings ever. You know what I had to do about it? You guessed it, I had to get over it.
Getting over things gave my life a new meaning. It allowed me to say it’s ok to feel things but it’s also ok to move on from them. Getting over something doesn’t mean my feelings were not valid or important, it simply meant they were impeding my life from growing. They were in my way of doing and trying new things because I was too busy being mad. They were limiting my life because I was still stuck on feeling like a victim. So by getting over things, I went from feeling like a victim to being a warrior and as such I had to get over all the shit that was holding me back. I was no longer chained to these unnecessary emotions bringing me down. Yes, what I felt mattered but my life and future was going to be better without them.
Fear of heights. Get over it!
I still remember the day I realized I had a subconscious fear of heights. One day I went to a local carnival and I got on a tall ferris wheel and my life changed forever. I still remember the anxiety rushing through my entire body and not being able to breath. I felt the most numbing fear and I vowed I would never get on another high ride again. Although phobias are real, living as a victim to small fears will hold you back on trying new things. I have never been on a plane and I never really plan to. I feel anxiety when I simply go near an airport. I feel sad to think I will never have this experience of travel that others do so frequently. Feeling victim to my fear of heights has left me unable to do things I would love to do, like travel to Europe and visit the Eiffel Tower in France.
I also remember the time I got over one of my fears and made a dream of mine come true: going to the top of a mountain! We went to Estes Park on a family road trip a few years ago and although driving up a mountain brought about all the anxiety feelings inside me, I had to get over it if I wanted to enjoy my adventure in the mountains. I told myself I was getting over my fear and that it was not going to control or ruin my life anymore. We made it to the top and I never forgot the amazing feeling of having conquered my fear of heights. At least for this one.
Staying mad for way too long. Get over it!
We all fall victim to this one time or another. Our injured pride won’t let us move on after someone makes us mad. It could be years and we still feel vengeful after feeling someone did us wrong. In high school I felt betrayed by those I thought were my best friends because they all stopped talking to me at once. They would giggle at me as I walked by in the school halls. I tried to ignore them but their laughter still lingered in my mind years after I graduated. To this day I don’t know what I did so wrong that they all turned on me but all I know is that I have gotten over it. They stopped being important in my life the moment I graduated high school so why bring them along? I got over this and never cared to look back. I’m happy to say I even have one of those high school friends on Facebook. Getting over it lifted a large weight off my shoulders when I finally decided to stop letting this past memory hurt me. It’s always best to just move on and create new happy memories instead of obsessing over old sad ones.
So don’t give this a second thought. If you are holding old grudges or resentment, it’s time to let them all go. You can lose friends, siblings, spouses and ruin beautiful present moments by never letting go of old hurtful memories. They are in the past and they no longer have any power over you. Learn to say enough and get over all your past hurt feelings because it’s time to make new ones.
Caring too much what others think of me. Get over it!
I have to admit this is an ongoing process for me. Getting over what others think of me is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. My whole life I felt a prisoner of some critic. Whether real or imagined, this is no way to live. Gaining confidence in myself has been one of the most amazing accomplishments of my life. Being able to say no or yes whenever I want is so liberating. We all take cues from those around us hoping to do the right things in order to be liked, accepted or successful. We often feel that as long as we have the acceptance of others that we must be making it in life. We place more value on what others think of us than on what we think of ourselves.
In reality nobody really cares about you the way you think they do. We humans are narcissistic by nature to some degree which means people only care about themselves more than anything. When we are kids we have to do what our parents say but when we are adults we don’t anymore. We have to become responsible and mature into this new phase of our lives. We are no longer children so we should not act like kids. Grow up and get over the fact that nobody really cares that much about you. If someone doesn’t love you the way you are then they were never important enough to begin with.
A life well lived is one life lived by you.
All this seems easier said than done so here are a few things to do to finally reach that point in life where you no longer allow memories from the past to continue to hurt you.
- Acknowledge your feelings. Yes, we all get our feelings hurt. It’s the reality of life. We all have childhood trauma that lingers with us into our adult years. We need to come clean when it comes to being honest with ourselves and what is bothering us. Sweeping our past resentments under the rug will only continue to bother us forever. It’s like a tiny pebble inside our shoe. If we don’t stop to find out what the hell it is and make the time to take off our shoe and pull the little pebble out, we will go all day, all month or all year with the little pebble inside making our lives miserable. Ignoring our feelings or pretending something did not bother us will never make us feel better. Be honest with yourself and acknowledge that what you felt is important and is clearly bothering you. You are not making anyone any favors by hiding your past hurt feelings and pretending nothing is bothering you. You can’t get over something that does not exist so express yourself girl. It doesn’t matter if it’s real or imagined, be honest with yourself because your feelings are important. It’s the first step to getting over it. Even if it’s not important to anyone else, it is important to you and that’s all that matters.
- Accept or forgive those who trespassed against us. Yes, it’s biblical. It’s a fact that we all make mistakes and most of us don’t even know what the heck we do most of the time. We usually assume people do things because they want to hurt us but in actuality they do stupid things because they don’t know any better. We speak a million words per day and do thousands of things so we’re bound to mess up once in a while. Unless we are a born psychopath, we usually don’t like to hurt those we love, but when we do it was usually by accident or because we were just mad. Understanding that we all make mistakes because we are human will make it easier to accept the mistakes others do. It does not excuse them but it simply allows you to come to terms that maybe they didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, they were just too dumb to know any better.
- Give it some time. If acknowledging your feelings are important and realizing those who hurt us are big dummies is not enough, then just give it some time. You know how they say time heals all? Well, it’s actually true! Tried and true my friend. Right in the beginning you may think you will hurt forever or that you will die because your boyfriend insinuated you would look nice if you lost a couple of pounds. With time you will have come to realize he’s an idiot and that’s why you are no longer with him. So you see, he never mattered in the first place. Give it some time and focus your attention on yourself and realize carrying all those past hurtful memories with you is not doing you any good.
So realizing we all make mistakes and letting go of past memories that are uselessly hurting us will make getting over it so much easier. Don’t be a slave to your old hurtful memories and feelings. We all deserve to be happy and letting go of the past is one way to get there. We can’t be happy if we are holding on to past resentments and grudges. We will never be able to achieve the level of confidence we desire if we put so much value on what other people think of us. We will never be able to make our dreams or goals come true if we keep holding ourselves back by being angry, sad or resentful. Getting over your fears and your self imposed limitations will clear the way to the life you always wanted. I’m still dreaming on one day making a trip to Italy. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy but it’s definitely going to be worth it!
Don’t be a slave to your old hurtful memories and feelings. We all deserve to be happy and letting go of the past is one way to get there. @lorenatweet #hellolorenaTweet