From a young age we are told that to get a man we must do all we can to please him and taking care of him and his every need, want and desire is the only way to keep him. We try our hardest to go far and beyond to be this person but what ends up happening is that we feel walked over and neglected.

Giving your all to your man will only bore him.

Being this doorman will only make you feel used and unhappy. Thing are different now, men don’t even find this attractive. Being this sweet and over caring lady might make him be fond of you but not the way you want him to. This unconditional love will make him feel like you’re his mother and not his lover and nobody wants to be that!

Whether you already feel like a doormat or you want to avoid becoming one there are things you can do about it. Sometimes love hits us so hard we want to give our entire life for them. We are eager to dedicate all our time with our partner. We are willing to bend over backwards to make them happy but unfortunately this is a very bad mistake.

Being overly available will make you look too easy. We all need space from time to time and by desperately trying to be too close to your partner will only end up pushing him away. So you can see how this is having the opposite effect of what you actually wanted.

So what happens when we give up our friends and our hobbies for our partner and we start to notice he is not doing the same sacrifices in return? We start to feel hurt and that he is not being fair to us. That may be so but the bottom line is that he never expected or even asked you to do those sacrifices for him in the first place. So why do we complain?

Men love the chase – so make them run!

So what do men really want? Well, strangely enough, they want us to make things difficult for them. Men love the chase! Men love what they don’t or can’t have. Heck, we all do! If something is too easy to get then we get bored of it just as easy. Some women might find this frustrating but it makes sense if we look at it through this point of view.

No matter how illogical this may seem, even today, some men still love going hunting. For days, they endure bad weather, uncomfortable sleeping arrangements and unsavory camping food because they love this thrill. We also see this logic when a man pursues someone he’s interested in. For him chasing an attractive female is quite the thrill. It’s not only that she may be beautiful or intelligent or that she has a great sense of humor, it’s the simple fact that he doesn’t yet possess her.

So how can you use this to your advantage? Make more free time for you! Women who understand this have a remarkably easier time in their relationship because they are always putting themselves first. They know what they want in life and the partner who joins her life will not only understand this but respect her individuality. We don’t want to be with someone because we have to but because we want to.

Self-sufficient women will attract the right partner.

Although most of us fantasize of rich lovers showering us with expensive gifts, this is not the ideal relationship you actually need. Having a partner who covers all your expenses will mean you will lose the most important thing you have: your independence. Sure, this doesn’t mean your partner can’t buy you dinner or give you a thoughtful present every now and then. But it should be clear that they have no financial control over you.

It’s time to discard this old myth about relationships and start putting yourself first. Women who are independent, self-sufficient and focused on their own life will attract the men they deserve.

After all, a self-sufficient woman is able to maintain her dignity, decide how she wants to be treated, and has the power to leave any relationship that’s holding her back. Moreover, a woman who puts herself first is more likely to attract men that appreciate that. Namely, the men that can see her for what she really is: a person who is strong and confident who will enrich their lives.

There’s no reason why any woman in a relationship should focus all her energy on pleasing her man. It’s time to discard this old myth about relationships and start putting yourself first. Women that are independent, self-sufficient and focused on their own life will attract the men they deserve.

So ladies, go on and treat yourself! Turn your phone off after reading this and run yourself a bubble bath and dig out your favorite movie to watch tonight. Don’t worry about replying to your partner’s texts and give your relationship a bit of distance. He won’t be able to stop thinking about you, and you’ll finally have some time to think about yourself.


Why Men Love Bitches (2000) by Sherry Argov debunks the myths of male-female relationships and gives you real, insider tips on how to keep the man you want. This fun book reveal why it’s vital that you regain your independence, and why doing this is advantageous to both you and your relationship.

2 replies on “Put Yourself First

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